Understanding Sides: Not All Queer Men Enjoy Anal Sex—And That’s Okay

When it comes to gay sex, there’s often an assumption that anal penetration is the ultimate act—something every queer man should desire. But what if that’s not your thing? What if you prefer intimacy without penetration? You’re not alone, and there’s a term for it: Sides.

Who Are Sides?

Sides are gay men who do not enjoy giving or receiving anal penetration. Instead, they find pleasure in other forms of intimacy, such as:

• Oral sex

• Kissing and sensual touch

• Mutual masturbation

• Rimming and body exploration

  
  

For Sides, sex isn’t about penetration. It’s about pleasure, connection, and enjoying what feels good.

The Problem With the ‘Penetration = Real Sex’ Mindset

There’s a deep-rooted belief that penetration is the defining part of sex. Because of this, many gay men feel pressured into anal sex—even when they don’t want to.

This stigma creates a cycle where:

• People assume all queer men must like anal sex.

• Those who don’t are seen as less valid or inexperienced.

• Many endure painful or uncomfortable experiences just to fit in.

But here’s the truth: sex is more than just penetration.

Redefining What Counts as ‘Real’ Sex

Foreplay isn’t just a warm-up. It is sex. Every act of pleasure—whether it’s touching, oral, or mutual masturbation—is just as real and meaningful as penetration.

Sex isn’t one-size-fits-all. What matters is that both partners enjoy the experience.

Why Sides Deserve More Visibility

The conversation around queer sexuality has long been focused on Tops, Bottoms, and Vers men. But sexuality is more diverse than that.

Sides exist. They are just as valid as anyone else, and their preferences deserve respect.

By normalizing the idea that sex doesn’t have to include penetration, we can create a more inclusive space where everyone feels seen.

So if you’re someone who doesn’t enjoy anal sex, know this—you’re not alone, and there’s nothing wrong with you.

Sex is about pleasure, not pressure. Do what feels right for you.