Coming Out at Work: How I Told My Crush I Was Gay, and He Didn’t Walk Away

It was my first job. The office had two gates, one at the front and one at the back. I was walking in through the back gate when I saw him walking in through the front. We caught each other's eyes for a second, and smiled for no reason. I don't know why that moment stuck with me, but it did.

Later that day in the cafeteria, he came and sat beside me without hesitation...

That day, something clicked. He smiled at me...

A smile that could disarm anyone, but it was wild, mischievous, loud. I got shy and stopped cracking jokes, but he kept laughing loudly, pulling everyone's attention. I was blushing like a teenager in a rom-com.

As days passed, we became close friends. One day after our shift, he asked, "Where do you live?" I told him, and he said, "Cancel your cab, I'll drop you on my bike." I resisted at first, playing it cool, but I wanted to say yes so badly.

That first bike ride with him, wind in my face, my heart pounding, I still remember it. From the next day, it became routine. Every morning he'd call, "Come down, I'm waiting." Eventually, I stopped booking cabs altogether.

We were growing closer, and in my heart, a silent love story had already begun. I knew he was straight, but I couldn't stop myself.

He had anger issues. He'd often fight with colleagues or get irritated easily. I never confronted him, I was afraid he might snap at me.

One day, he left his bike and locker keys on my desk and left. After the shift, he asked for them, but I couldn't find them. He yelled at me in front of everyone, "If you can't take care of them, why do you even take them?"

I felt terrible. I searched everywhere. Then a colleague admitted he had hidden the keys as a prank. I was furious but didn't react. When I went out, I saw he was standing with a guard, trying to break his locker open. I silently handed him the keys. He didn't say a word.

An hour later, there was a knock on my door. He was standing there, holding pizza, cold drinks, and loads of food. Smiling. That moment broke me. He didn't say sorry, but he didn't have to. He just showed up, like he always did. And I fell for him even more.

Three years passed like that. Eventually, we moved in together and rented a flat. All that time he love I held for him stayed quietly tucked inside my heart.

Girls at the office adored him. He was charming. I never saw him with anyone though. Once, a girl took my seat beside him at the office. I didn't make a fuss, I quietly moved to another desk. After a while, the girl came to me, annoyed, and said, "Can you please go back to your seat?" I understood, he didn't like anyone taking my place. My heart fluttered. Was there something there? Or was I just fooling myself?

Then a new girl joined. Slowly, he started giving her more time. They spent breaks together, talked often. I felt pushed aside. I had no other close friends. I said nothing. How could I? I couldn't control who he liked. I was happy for him...

The whole office praised their chemistry. I became invisible. No one even asked me how I was or why I sat alone during lunch. But still, he would come to me for a few minutes, share a small smile. That was enough for me.

Until one day, something happened that broke me.

I came home early... and found her in our flat, in his arms. My whole body caught fire. I yelled at them, out of pain, jealousy, and rage. He didn't say anything. But I think he understood.

The next day, I felt ashamed. I apologized and told him, "I'm moving out." He didn't stop me. We stopped talking much in the office. But I couldn't hold it in anymore. I had to tell him why I reacted the way I did.

"I'm gay. I liked you. I felt so left out, so alone when you started giving someone else your time... and everything just burst out that night."

He listened. And he understood.

That day, something heavy lifted from my heart. For the first time in my life, I had come out to someone. And the person I came out to... accepted me. Of course, he didn't love me back. But he didn't hate me either. That was enough. More than enough. His girlfriend became a good friend of mine too. I told her everything, and we laughed about the incident that had once broken me.

One day, a senior walked up to us and said, "Arshad, you're always together, but you never turned out like him, angry, moody, lazy..."

Before I could respond, He jumped in and said,

"Well, he has changed me a lot"

And in that moment, I felt something I had never felt before: seen, respected, and loved, even if not romantically.

~ Arshad Javed.