A battle for love, The Heartbreaking Journey of Gay Men in India, struggling to find True Connections.

Huzaifa, a 35-year-old gay man residing in Noida, India shares his heartfelt experience, as the ticking clock reminds him that time is slipping away, and the fear of never finding love weighs heavily on his soul.

"Arey acchi ladhki hai. Abhi waqt hai to mil bhi jayegi. 35 ke baad koi ni poochne wala." said my mum last night on call.

I felt a dagger in my heart, but she's right, isn't she? As each year passes, the possibility of finding a partner seems to fade, and the anxiety of facing a life of solitude grows stronger. It's not as easy for a gay man in his 30s to find love here, it's not like there are arranged marriages for gay couples.

My family has been urging me to meet potential brides, but how do I tell my truth to them? Coming from a deeply religious background, it feels like an impossible task. As soon as they know my truth, I'm not their son anymore. At times, I consider the idea of marrying a girl just to escape a lifetime of loneliness. But how can I jeopardize someone else's happiness to ease my own solitude?

Even if my family was accepting, finding a partner isn't a guaranteed venture. The dating pool for gay men in India is limited, and as I grow older, it seems to shrink further. Yes, dating apps offer a platform to connect, but many profiles prioritize anonymity due to the fear of exposure.

It's saddening to witness so many souls yearning for love, yet still single and searching.

As I age, I yearn for a committed, monogamous relationship. I long for emotional intimacy, but it's not easy to find people who have similar expectations. Most people I meet, are either already committed to someone or are not looking for something long-term. My hopes are frequently shattered.

The pressure from society to suppress our desires, compromise our identities, and live in constant anxiety and loneliness becomes overwhelming. Although India decriminalized homosexuality in 2018, legal protections against discrimination and hate crimes remain limited, and our love lacks recognition and rights.

Perhaps if society was more accepting, if people were more kind, and the laws were more inclusive, my journey wouldn't have been so fraught with pain and struggles. But as I grow older, the fear of never finding love becomes more prominent. With each passing year, the ticking clock echoes in my ears, and my heart bears a heavier burden.

"Will I ever find someone or just grow old without experiencing the warmth of someone's love?"

Despite the challenges, I remain hopeful that society will evolve, and acceptance will win.

Until then, I draw strength from within, believing that love, even for someone like me, will find it's way.